Go Away!

via Daily Prompt: Gone

There are so many things I want gone right now:

The snow. I love snow, but lately it’s been a bit overkill. Nevermind that I don’t even get to play in it, this is the dangerous kind of snow, you know? The kind that turns into impenetrable ice; the kind that makes every corner turn a death trap. My husband drives a truck and the last couple weeks have me anxiety ridden. That, and I want to go outside and walk/jog/run/hike damn it! I have a new area to explore!

This feeling of homesickness. I couldn’t wait to leave home. I didn’t have the best relationship with my family, and I was getting sick of the city life… but I miss them now. I miss the buses, the trains, the daily commutes. I miss seeing my brother, and randomly going for dinner with the other members of my family. I miss having food options. Here, it’s burgers and other American type of food, Mexican food, or Chinese food. I miss sushi. I miss curry. I miss Korean BBQ. I miss sushi. I miss sushi. Oh god, I miss sushi. I miss food.

My husband and I are currently living with his mother for several reasons. I really, really miss having my own space, and I like keeping my space clean and at least somewhat organized. They have so much room in the house but not much space, you know? She’s as sweet as sweet can be, but I’ve always been pretty independent so that her sweetness borders on overbearing. She’s always thinking of us, so she buys us snacks, treats, food, random shit; stuff we don’t want to have around or don’t have a use for–at all. For example, I offhandedly mentioned that I don’t mind cinnamon if it’s in food, so she bought me a huge cinnamon bun. I like apples, so she bought me two apple pies, on top of the one she bought for Christmas that I’ve been dutifully eating (probably my fault in that case). I know I’m being ungrateful and I love her very much and appreciate her thinking of us… just let me rant!

Expanding on my family a bit… I miss them a lot more than I thought I would. We were never a lovey-dovey family and I miss that, surprisingly. My husband’s family is very vocal with their love and it’s taking a bit to get used to. The first nibling/grandchild is about to be born and I can’t be there for it. She’s already drawing us all closer together and yet physically, I can’t be there. I want her to experience the type of family my husband has, and I want to be the one to shower her with affection and love. And yet I can’t be there for her birth. Gods that’s going to haunt me for a long time.  I miss my family and our arms-length-love, haha.

I guess I don’t necessarily miss my life back in my hometown, but I miss having control over my immediate environment. I miss the old dynamic I suppose. I guess I’m feeling a bit down and grumpy today.

One thought on “Go Away!

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