Go Away!

via Daily Prompt: Gone

There are so many things I want gone right now:

The snow. I love snow, but lately it’s been a bit overkill. Nevermind that I don’t even get to play in it, this is the dangerous kind of snow, you know? The kind that turns into impenetrable ice; the kind that makes every corner turn a death trap. My husband drives a truck and the last couple weeks have me anxiety ridden. That, and I want to go outside and walk/jog/run/hike damn it! I have a new area to explore!

This feeling of homesickness. I couldn’t wait to leave home. I didn’t have the best relationship with my family, and I was getting sick of the city life… but I miss them now. I miss the buses, the trains, the daily commutes. I miss seeing my brother, and randomly going for dinner with the other members of my family. I miss having food options. Here, it’s burgers and other American type of food, Mexican food, or Chinese food.ย I miss sushi. I miss curry. I miss Korean BBQ. I miss sushi. I miss sushi. Oh god, I miss sushi. I missย food.

My husband and I are currently living with his mother for several reasons. I really, really miss having my own space, and I like keeping my space clean and at least somewhat organized. They have so much room in the house but not much space, you know? She’s as sweet as sweet can be, but I’ve always been pretty independent so that her sweetness borders on overbearing. She’s always thinking of us, so she buys us snacks, treats, food, random shit; stuff we don’t want to have around or don’t have a use for–at all. For example, I offhandedly mentioned that I don’t mind cinnamon if it’s in food, so she bought me a huge cinnamon bun. I like apples, so she bought me two apple pies, on top of the one she bought for Christmas that I’ve been dutifully eating (probably my fault in that case). I know I’m being ungrateful and I love her very much and appreciate her thinking of us… just let me rant!

Expanding on my family a bit… I miss them a lot more than I thought I would. We were never a lovey-dovey family and I miss that, surprisingly. My husband’s family is very vocal with their love and it’s taking a bit to get used to. The first nibling/grandchild is about to be born and I can’t be there for it. She’s already drawing us all closer together and yet physically, I can’t be there. I want her to experience the type of family my husband has, and I want to be the one to shower her with affection and love. And yet I can’t be there for her birth. Gods that’s going to haunt me for a long time. ย I miss my family and our arms-length-love, haha.

I guess I don’t necessarily miss my life back in my hometown, but I miss having control over my immediate environment. I miss the old dynamic I suppose. I guess I’m feeling a bit down and grumpy today.

“Ready?”

via Daily Prompt: Year

another day and
another year gone by. so
bring it on! ready?

– by Naaria

I don’t think I’ve ever been so pumped up to start a new year. I feel like this is going to be a really, really, really good year. Considering how great last year was… 2017 may just blow every other year out of the water by the feel of it!

The fact that I had apple pie for breakfast definitely has nothing to do with how pumped I am. ๐Ÿ™„

Today I’m getting my energy back from the cold and stomach bug I’ve been fighting off, and getting ready to hit the weights hard tomorrow. Two weeks of no lifting makes Naaria a grumpy, restless butt.

Oh, and for dinner tonight? Filet mignon. ๐Ÿ™‚

Yep, this is going to be a really good year.

Hopes For 2017

via Daily Prompt: Hopeful

best-happy-new-year-pictures

A perfect prompt to piggyback off of my friendย Lochan’sย post for her goals for 2017.

2016 has been a wonderful year for me, following the nightmare that was 2015. I have been blessed with a wonderful, loving partner who I had the great fortune of marrying (in Vegas! My first time there and I had to go and be stereotypical!). He and his family have graciously welcomed me into their home and lives and made me feel welcome beyond belief. I have friends–especially one in particular–who have been there for me through my crazy, seemingly-uncontrollable, whirlwind-of-emotion meltdowns, yet still somehow love me and are more than willing to be there for the next one.

I am an extremely lucky person and I don’t know how to show my gratitude well enough.

Ever heard the saying: “the best revenge is living well”? Would that work for “paying back” the people who have been so good to me? ๐Ÿ™‚

My general plan for 2017 is to live well–really well. I want to become a better person in body, mind, and spirit. Here are my three main goals for 2017:

  • Continue on my path to physical fitness
    • Keep lifting and eating better
    • I gotta bite the bullet and do more cardio–indoors is fine but once the weather is warmer, I want to walk and run outside with my husband
    • There are apparently a lot of great hiking spots out here and I intend on taking advantage of that
    • That also means getting over my hate of the Sun… argh, but it burns! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ๐Ÿ˜†
    • I want to be able to run without getting winded after 0.0000001 seconds, which would be a miracle
  • Bring myself back onto a spiritual path
    • I feel guilty that I’ve been really, really slacking on meditation and yoga practice; as in I haven’t done either seriously in years
    • The latter will tie into my physical fitness, but I know the best I ever felt in general was when I was practicing yoga regularly
    • Going to start with 3x per week, on rest days from lifting
  • Get a better hold of my mental state
    • I’ve been sleeping in til 10AM most days which, while comfortably lazy, is not what I want to do or be. I miss waking up at 5-6AM, but more realistically I’d like to wake up at 7-8AM
    • I’m going to find a creative outlet for myself; one that brings me closer to my higher self. I’ve yet to decide on/find one, but my mind keeps pushing me towards getting back into drawing… we’ll see
    • I’ve been dabbling with the idea of counselling, but I’ll have to see what’s available in my area and finances. Otherwise, I know there are some online services I can take advantage of
    • Other-otherwise, I’m going to journal at least twice a week, Monday and Friday, just to clear my head
    • Oh! Maybe I can cook/bake more as a creative outlet? ๐Ÿ˜€ It’ll give me something to post here too! Hmmm… ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m really excited for 2017. It’s going to be a year of positive selfishness; of fine tuning who I’ve become (thanks to the love and care of all those who have supported me throughout the years), into the person I’ve always wanted to be. I want to make them proud and show them that their efforts are appreciated and have made a significant impact on another person’s life. I want to make myself proud, and love who I am through and through.

I encourage you to write your own goals for 2017 as well! It’s always great to have people to share it with, and to encourage you to reach for those goals. ๐Ÿ™‚

Happy New Years to you all, and may 2017 bring you love, joy, and all the happiness in the world!

My Renewal

via Daily Prompt: Renewal

Growth concept

Before a true renewal can happen, one must rid themselves of the stuff that no longer serves them. Space must be made for the new, so it can make its home in your life, mindset, body, etc. It’s not always comfortable, and it definitely isn’t always pretty, but the end result is always worth it when you have a moment to look back on it.

So, nothing like a stomach bug to really purge the crap ( ๐Ÿ˜† ) from your system before the new year. Sorry for too much information. ๐Ÿ˜›

The first plus of this bug is that it helped me obliterate my first mini goal: breaking 135lb! I am 134lb as of this morning; finally, after years of attempting! The closest I’ve gotten is 135.4lb, but I just couldn’t make it over the edge… Thanks stomach bug! That being said, I am probably gonna eat a little extra to make up for yesterday, but I’m gonna use this positively! Health is the goal, the weight is secondary. The weight means nothing if it takes me five minutes to walk up a flight of stairs.

The second is seeing the tenderness in your husband–who is just as if not sicker than you–who caresses your hair and rubs your back while you’re in that perfect position which you can’t shouldn’tย move from because you’re as comfortable as you can possibly get considering the circumstances. Then, he gets up for work after a few hours of a-poor-excuse-for-sleep, kissing you upon returning home and immediately offering to make you chicken noodle soup.

I don’t deserve this man.

See, we’ve been fighting on and off the last few days and it’s my fault. You think you’ve defeated your demons but then you get a little whiff of something ever-so-slightly resembling the past, and BAM! You’re right back in your 19 year old self and everything is back to the “life or death” mindset and, as per usual, you choose death. “This is the end of the world, I can’t handle this”.

Even though you’ve proven that you can handle this and worse, and even though this time around, you have someone who is fully willing to take care of you even though you’re mad at him and have said some horrible things to him on top of it all. Still, he tells you he loves you, wishes you sweet dreams and gives your forehead a kiss before turning over, wincing in pain all the while.

In my defense, after he did all that I rubbed his belly til my arm ached.

I’m learning slowly but surely that this is marriage. You love and take care of each other even when you don’t feel like you like your partner in that moment. You forgive them for things you may not really want to forgive them for, because the opposite means you’ll be without them. Of course, there are some strict boundaries but this was not one of them.

I always wondered why people differentiated being in a relationship and being in a marriage; I always thought they were the same except now you’ve spent an exorbitant amount of money to get rings and have a wedding and all that… no difference otherwise.

Nah, it means having the option of walking away (albeit a much more difficult decision to make) but remembering that you vowed you never would. For better or worse, in sickness and in health, right?

Not the best end/start, but I’ll take it. It’s a learning experience, and one that will fuel my renewal.

“Intimate Moments”

via Daily Prompt: Ovation

intimate1-620x372

intimacy flows,
thundering ovation of
quivering bodies

– by Naaria

Sometimes you have to go back to the basics of being together, embracing each other, and remembering why you’re together at all. Sometimes it’s hard, and there are always going to be moments where it might even feel impossible thanks to the cloudiness that a whirlwind of emotions grants us. Much to my dismay, of course.

As long as we can somehow relax, or be talked through the whirlwind by a dear and loving friend, the clouds clear and the light of another day can bless us once more.

To Revel in Fortune

via Daily Prompt: Fortune

I’ve always considered myself a lucky person. Even though things have gone incredibly awry every now and then, some form of divine intervention came in the nick of time to save me from my own immaturity.

Lately though… wow. Lately, I’ve been extremely fortunate; so much so that I think I may have exhausted my luck for the next life.

I got engaged and married to an amazing man. His equally amazing family has graciously welcomed me into their lives. I’ve fulfilled a small dream of mine–of living in a small town. All in all, my life has become much simpler and has become full of love and happiness.

Having a simple, slow-paced life has made it much easier to recognize my blessings, and especially to revel in fortune.

Just… Relax

via Daily Prompt: Relax

It’s easy to be busy, and to move around endlessly. It’s easy to want something to do, and even easier to have something you gotta do. We all have a to-do list that goes up to infinity on the best day.

It’s really, really hard to relax… which is kind of ironic, isn’t it? You have to make a concerted effort to stop exerting so much effort. Really goes to show what sort of world we live in.

It’s really hard at first–you feel restless and possibly even guilty for not doing anything; for not tackling that infinite to-do list. But you (or at least I eventually do) find that if you give yourself ten, twenty minutes to relax, everything else on your list feels much easier to tackle.

Give it a try. Relax.

Take a bath. Take a walk. Take a nap. Grab a Kit-Kat. Make some tea. Cuddle with your pet, or significant other, or a stuffed animal. Use aromatherapy. Breathe.

Just… Relax.

Moody. Moody?!

via Daily Prompt: Moody

overwatch
An Overwatch Christmas (Picture taken from Google)

Overwatch. The only competitive FPS game I’ve ever really enjoyed. Nothing makes me moodier than playing this game, but in a totally fun way.

You lose two (or seven) matches in a row only to make an upsetting (to the other team) comeback in the last thirty seconds.

You win three matches and your ego goes through the roof, and you’re hooping and hollering and giving your husband a high ten and then some!

You randomly and completely unexpectedly get POTG (play of the game) and your ego now encompasses the entire universe.

Then you lose another eight matches in a row because <insert blaming-everyone-else-but-you-even-though-you-only-play-Overwatch-for-a-few-hours-a-month here>. ๐Ÿ˜†

Yep. Overwatch makes me moody but I love it.